True love.

I haven’t felt true love in a long time…but I can say that I am very lucky to be one of the few people who have felt true love before. Like the movie Maleficent, my true love is not a man. Like the movie Maleficent, my true love is not my biological mother. Like the movie Maleficent, I am Aurora who loves my Godmother and grandaunt.

I have been separated from my loved one for a long time… and have forgotten the teachings she taught me and the love she showed me. I didn’t know that was what I had lost…and have been searching for ever since. I had forgotten that I wanted to get better because she wanted me to do better, and hence, chose to lose her to get better with the hope that someday, I will come back and fetch her when I have gotten my own home and she would then live with me, without having to work for another day- cause I will provide for her. I have lost that dream because I know of her self-sacrificing trait, that she will not leave the house knowing that there are two bachelors aunt and uncle who will have no one to take care of them when she is gone…

It has been a long time… and it is not until today when I realise that I have been searching for love, to replace the love she once showed me. Fortunately, no one is able to love better than she did that I wasn’t able to replace her. It is good for she is still alive and well, which means that my long lost mission still stands. Despite my changing and has been hiding from her so she doesn’t see how bad I’ve changed…just like how I hide from God ever since I fell prey to the sins of lust…there is a reason why I am still standing and striving, it is to get back on track. The possibilities I see in this world is that I know I can do better, and I want to spread the love she taught me to this world. I want to show the world that they can get abundance, from the result of loving someone – and that there is nothing more satisfying than that. No love, no fame, no money can give you that. Trust me, I have lived both the poor and sort-of-rich, possibly rich life with the difference of having love and not. The poor, loved, and the will the strive hard to do better is more satisfying than having material goods, without needing to strive and to have no intensified strong love.

Hmm… as a reminder of what my grandaunt is like, I have typed up a couple of things prior to this post. I wish not to forget these feelings:

I love the way she canes us, but holds back. She caned us not because she felt like we are in danger, she wanted us to live in the traditional values that we are taught. That’s how she showed she cares for us.

I love the way when I give her massages, she responds well, not because she felt she deserves the massage but that she felt the love from me.

I love how stubborn she is when it comes to washing/ironing our clothes. There are easier ways to do them. There are shortcuts, but she insisted on doing it the difficult ways and work hard so that the clothes are washed and ironed perfectly.

She is self-sacrificing. She could’ve gotten married but didn’t because of her sister. She could have shun her responsibility after the accident and continued her career, but she didn’t. it’s not that she doesn’t have the passion for her work/love cause she has told me of her dreams, she just puts others first.

I love the way she holds true to the values she taught us – don’t spend money on unnecessary stuffs, and even when we became one of those with disposable income, she still stay the same – not materialistic at all, she still complains about the way we spend money.

I love how she spend money buying us stickers despite the fact she dislikes spending money. It shows us she loves us.

She is my mother, despite not being biological. Her love and cares showed through.
She wanted us to achieve. She is proud when she heard that I have the “businesswoman life line” on my hand (from fortune telling, a couple of people said the same thing. Although I don’t know how true these things are). Though it hasn’t come true yet, I knew she is proud when I get good grades.

She wanted us to live in values. She is proud when I offered to help out with the chores. I know she must have told a couple of people of how proud she is of me… and I am proud of her being proud of me.

I love my grandaunt the most. Out of everyone in this world, no one will replace her. Now that I think about it, I think I have wanted a kid of my own because I want her love to be spread in this world even after I am gone from this world.


Praises and critcism

Praises and criticism can be both a good and a bad thing.

The good: Praises and criticism lets you know your strengths and your weaknesses.

The bad: It limits you to having certain skills, talents, traits etc

E.g.: As a child, I’ve always been told that I am good at studying but horrible at cooking and sports. It lets me know that I shouldn’t pursue careers that uses my body, that I should focus on careers that requires using my brain. However, knowing this limits me. I avoid competitive sports and had trouble learning how to cook because I’m always insecure about my cooking. If I were truly honest, I don’t think my cooking is that bad, it’s just not good compared to my natural cook cousin.

On guys being persistent

When my mom told me the story about how she and my dad got together, she particularly told me that guys who are persistent are the ones to look out for. I told her that I don’t think so from experience but didn’t know the reason for it…until today.

You see, guys who are persistent can be seen as that they are truly interested in you and if they were to invest enough time and effort on you, would begin to fall for you. This is true to some extent. If they perceive you as “the one” for them, one who is so perfect to them, they would be persistent since it would be difficult to find another girl like you. However, that may not be the case all the time. Guys can be persistent because:

1. They have limited amount of girls around them.

2. They cannot find the “right” girl.

Basically, they can be persistent because they want to keep their options open.

Be A Good Man, Because A Woman Will Never Forget How You Treated Her

This is absolutely true. I once fell in love with the nicest man on Earth. However, my wants of variety screwed it up. I thought I had made the right decisions until… subconsciously, I start getting dreams of simple but nice moments in the past with him… holding hands and laughing together. That’s when I realise that life can be simple. You don’t need a good looking man or a smart man. You don’t need a man who is rich. All you need is a man who treats and love you right… and a willingness to make things work.

Thought Catalog

Too many of you say that women do not really want a nice guy. You firmly believe from your bad experiences that most women actually enjoy being treated badly. I can assure you this is not true.

Your words and your actions can have effects on a woman that will last her a lifetime. That cruel comment you made about her mother, that day you were so angry you called her out of her name, those times you ignored her for no reason at all, the times you chose not to text or call and decided your friends were more important than she was, the times you didn’t open her car door, or walk her to her front door like a lady, she carries those in her mind. And she carries them over to the next man.

Women remember every nice thing you do or say in the same way…

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Stop planning ahead!

I have always been the kind of girl who cares a little bit too much about what life would be like in the future. I would discover myself to know exactly the career I want to pursue in the future. I do this because I know subconsciously how scarce our resources (time) as human being is and thus, we should spend time on developing the skills for our future career.

However, the problem with this is that no one can predict the future. Things will happen that changes situations. Therefore, it is more important to enjoy the moment!

If you were ambitious, then you should prioritize the 3 most important aspects of your life and focus solely on these while of course, being open to other aspects of life as well.

How to differentiate a good guy from a bad guy?

When it comes to men, females tend to instinctively know a good man from a bad man. However, the problem with me is that I tend to see the good in people… and most people are good, and not a psychopath. So, a friend of a friend (male) taught me explicitly what a good man and a bad man is.

He said that a good man genuinely cares about the women and respects a woman’s decision. This include not manipulating the women into doing the things that the man wants her to do, especially if they have the upper hand in the situation. In addition to that, if the man is truly good, he would respect the women to the point that he won’t even mention sex even if it had been months into the relationship.

A bad guy is selfish, who cares about wanting her more than caring for her. You know, those guys who convinces you that they are the best guy for you even if you were to tell them that you are not ready for a relationship or anything related to romance. Guys who brings up the sex topic is even worse. All they want to do is to fuck and leave you.


Intuition: Decision Making, Reality Checking

Decision Making

When you make decision, three things come into play: your intuition, your feelings and your thoughts. You intuition is what you believe will happen. It is your inner voice that tells you that regardless of any physical evidence. Your feelings is what you wish would happen. Your thoughts is any logical situation you think you will end up in due to any physical evidence provided. You need to differentiate those three in order to make the best decision and the best decision is always to trust your intuition. The reason for this is this quote:
“Don’t try to comprehend with your mind. Your minds are very limited. Use your intuition.” 
― Madeleine L’EngleA Wrinkle in Time

Reality Checking

So, there are times in life when I am being idealistic and this causes me to not be grateful of my current life. It’s exactly like this quote says:


The only way to stop being idealistic, to not want things to be however we wish them to be so much is to just trust your intuition.

An example is this:

I have been single for almost a year now. Recently, I found myself wishing that I had met someone else already and I believe this wish has been on-going ever since my break up. This prevented me to be happy with being single even though I know of the benefits that come with being single: Total independence to do what you want to do, more time to yourself, less commitment, etc. I realise that despite being single for a year, I haven’t been truly grateful with my situation for there has always been at least one guy in my life (either I’m romantically interested in him or he is romantically interested in me). The thing is that I know that I am not going to meet “him” just yet, although I don’t know why. I just know that I am not ready for it and will screw it up if I were to meet him now. My intuition has provided me a reality check and I should trust those feelings so that I enjoy my single lifestyle instead of wishing it were different.