Independence and Solving Your Own Problem!

As an extravert, I love hanging out and being around people. I understand the importance of having people around you, for mankind has social needs of wanting to belong and recognized. However, my love of being around people has caused me to want to stay around my friends all day, be it new friends or old friends. This is not all bad as it helps me to bond with my friends and we all know that you need to put in an effort to build a relationship with people. However, being on a high from being around people that you love to be around, will make you want to continue to stay on that high. As Newton’s first law of motion (Law of Inertia) says: 

An object at rest will remain at rest unless acted on by an unbalanced force. An object in motion continues in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force


and this is dangerous as it will lead you to be dependent on other people. My experience with staying around people for way too much time was that I experienced a loss of identity or my sense of self as I have stopped thinking about things, developing my own opinion of different ideas or have stopped doing things that I am supposed to do, especially if it has to do with self-improvement. I didn’t like this feeling at all. I felt like it was really destructive.

That is the reason why I am writing this post. I hope that this post will serve as a reminder that despite my love to be around people, I must always remember and recognize that loneliness is a blessing as well. This is especially so for an ENFP like myself. As says, ENFPs need “time alone to center themselves”. This means that it is necessary for an ENFP to take the time alone so that they can reconnect with themselves, form own opinions on different matters and do things that suits you even if other people doesn’t necessarily agree with your actions. I find this to be really important as


There is also a certain time when you should really be spending time alone, and this is the time when you have a problem. As a woman, when a problem arises, we seek consultations from our female friends. Most of the times, all we needed was emotional support and that all we needed to do was to vent. However, what we get instead is advices on how to best solve the problem… and it seems reasonable to obtain a third party’s opinion as they are not blinded by feelings like we are. However, this may be overrated.

I am a big believer of intuition as it is my dominant function as an ENFP and I know that intuition is a powerful tool when it comes to solving problem. If you are someone who relies heavily on intuition, you will find this quote to be true. Sometimes, there are just no logical explanation to how you know something works for it is a combination of different things: what is being said, the body language, the past experience, feelings, thoughts, etc.

“Don’t try to comprehend with your mind. Your minds are very limited. Use your intuition.” 
― Madeleine L’EngleA Wrinkle in Time

Asking for advices from other people lacks insights into the situation. You may provide them with as much information as possible but, no matter what, since they are not there, they will still lack insights into the situation. This means that when people give you advices, they tend to just rely on what is logical and perhaps, think about the situation in your shoes. But, really, logic is too limited to understand why someone feels and do the things that they do. That is why the world is so messed up. If logic is sufficient, it shouldn’t be.

My current problem right now is that I have just recently confessed my feelings to a friend who is a player. While I was complaining about how he never responded to me, everyone was relying on logic, telling me that a player would never respond to such text and how I deserve better and should move on. If I were to hear the same situation from another girl’s mouth, I would think that the girl must be stupid – that it is pretty obvious that a player will always be a player. The thing is, because it is my problem, I know the situation well. I had been feeling horrible about not being responded as I have thought that he really values me as a friend. Not responding would indicate that he is a player and I am just another one of those who is stuck in his love.

My intuition tells me that he might be a player and I might have been played but he doesn’t treat me as the rest of his girls as he has said that he would’ve just stopped contacting me after we have first done it. The question to ask then is: can I trust what he said? To be honest, he has never given me any reason to not trust what he had said. He has even told me about his lifestyle as a player when we first got to know each other. If I were to argue my point, how can anyone trust what I said? Everyone would think that I am just helping him out because he is someone I care about, that I was just refusing to face reality… but how can that be the case? I can be honest and say, I am about 85% sure that he will reject me.

While I know and can confirm that he values me as a friend (as he has, by now, responded to my text), I do not know if he feels anything for me. My intuition says that he might have a little feelings for me which he is just coming to realise, but it is just not strong enough to go for something more. He is personally not ready for something more as well. So, yeah, I think I will be rejected and I am sort of prepared to be rejected. However, I do want to stay as friends with him. Again, my friends have told me that I am being stupid, that it is impossible to stay as friends. As I haven’t tried it yet, I am just unwilling to just let go of a valuable friend without giving pure friendship a go. Again, it is not that I am stubborn and thus refuse to listen to my friends. It is just that they do not understand that my feelings for him is just different from my previous crushes. I am not obsessive and possessive of him at all. It wasn’t the childlike crushes where you think of that someone non-stop and start thinking about suiciding because you can’t get that guy. I reckon that if I could go 4 months without letting him know how I felt before and the reason I had that breakdown and let him know how I feel about him was due to PMS plus post sex chemical reaction in my brain, I will be able to control my feelings better if there was no physical contact between us at all… but it’s definitely hard to say. So, I decided that if I can’t control my feelings then I should let him know and maybe cut all contact for a good couple of months until I am ready to be proper friends with him again.

Sorry for the long post, I guess I sort of got carried away. Anyway, the main point is that it is important to talk to yourself about your own problem so you can rely on your intuition as others will not know the entire situation well. I do realise that as a woman, I will need to vent and have some emotional support as well… I might need to talk to an introvert to gain some insights on this, or maybe I’ll find out what I would do when I face another problem again – which will be soon when I talk to the guy :/


6 thoughts on “Independence and Solving Your Own Problem!

  1. What I “see” is you have karma with him. Your intuition is right, he has rejected you. And because that’s not enough to step away from him, you want to try to keep a friendship going with someone who really doesn’t see you. Sweet-heart, if he can’t see you as a lover, how on Gods green earth do you think he will see you as a friend?! The trick in making your intuition stronger, is in following it’s guidance.
    You know he’s a player, what do players do? To get what they want, they tell you what you want to hear!!! Well it’s your karma, do as you wish.

    • I guess you are right. Maybe it is karma…I am just unwilling to let him go as a friend. I dont even care if he doesn’t feel the same as I do. How do I think he sees me as a friend? Maybe I am wrong and he doesn’t. But I never felt like he doesnt treat me as a friend. We’ll see how things go. Cause if I feel like I cant let go of the friendship, there has to be something I can learn from him/ something i have to learn from him. Maybe.

  2. I am actually really interested in what you said. By karma, do you mean like I owe him in the past life and is therefore, paying for it now? If my intuition were to tell me not to let go of the friendship, is that what I should do? I am sort of confused about what I should do so I am just going to do whatever that he wants to do…

    • Karma shows us all the places in which we allow life to take over, in such a way that it takes us out of empowerment. You see, the gift of life is to live in the richness of abundance and self empowerment.
      In your case, you’re choosing to follow a man and put your happiness in someone who’s not sure about you. My question to you: “why do you give him [who is not sure] the power to make a decision about your happiness? As a relationship professional I would ask you to turn this around, instead of giving him the power to make a decision about you. I would ask you to make a decision about what kind of relationship you want, where in life do you want to go, and ultimately what kind of man do YOU want beside you?
      This is karma because you are giving him the POWER to guide your happiness.
      To live in empowerment is to take back you power and make the decisions for yourself. And living in empowerment means you don’t NEED a man, you just want a man to go have fun with. It’s your choice, and NOT his.
      My blessings to you…

      • Thanks for responding. I know what you mean now. I guess if he doesn’t hurt me since I am not obsessive nor possessive of him and I don’t need to be with him, why should I lose him as a friend? The power is still in my hand. If he does hurt me, I will let him go. I just don’t mind any suggestion he makes, whether he wants to continue to be friends with me or not. Thanks for your input though. I don’t know if I am on the right track but I really don’t have much reason to let go of this friendship :/

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