Don’t have sex!

I am not a religious person. I have tried to be, so I read the bible and decided that it wasn’t for me because there are things in the bible that I do not agree with. One of them is the idea that man and woman should not consummate before marriage. I had once thought that the world is changing and this doctrine does not fit in the modern world anymore.

However, the more I experience life, the more I understand why God reckons that one should not consummate before marriage. Before I get to my point, please watch this video on The Wild Economics of Sex.

The current dating landscape as seen in the video starts out small. Usually, girls would have sex with their committed boyfriend because it seems to be a social norm to do so and that it seemed to be alright since you may (at that time, you would have thought that you will) get married. Then it builds up. You have tasted sex and you lust for more. You have lost your virginity so it doesn’t matter anymore. Sex had then become a social norm. By then, concepts such as FWB and ONS were formed and again, was seen as a social norm. Finally, woman are giving away free sex too easily these days leading to the dating landscape we see currently where man and woman finds it difficult to get married. 

In the video, there seem to be two marketplace that emerge due to this social behaviour: the sex marketplace and marriage marketplace. For both marketplace, there seem to be only disadvantage for woman. In the sex marketplace, even though woman have the upper hand, woman’s primal instinct will always drive woman into wanting a committed relationship and giving sex away will take away woman’s only leverage to get man to commit (See here). In the commitment marketplace, woman would find it more difficult to get married since there are just too limited man to choose from as a partner that woman will always question: is he the best man I could get?

The video suggested that the only way to change the current dating landscape is for women to collude so to not have sex so easily. In other words, women were to revert back to the traditional ways of not having sex before marriageThis confirms God’s doctrine that sex before marriage is bad for us… well, at least to women.

I do realise that there is a prisoner’s dilemma to this. While women may only gain maximum benefits if there were to collude together, individuals who do have sex with men while other girls keep to their values may gain more benefits than the rest of the girls as guys do prefer non-virgins to virgins.

Ultimately, it really comes down to what you want. Do you really just want sex and nothing else? As an individual who values committed relationship more than sex, the cost of having sex before marriage is pretty high. First of all, with “giving sex away will take away woman’s only leverage to get man to commit”, this does not apply to a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. It applies to marriage as well. Having sex before marriage may delay my marriage. Also, if my man is willing to wait for marriage before we do have sex, it would mean that he actually do loves me. Having a strong value like not have sex before marriage would also mean that I can keep guys who just wants sex away from me, which would save me more heartbreaks.






5 thoughts on “Don’t have sex!

  1. Pingback: Discovering My Life Aims: Part Two | Motivate Me. Inspire Me. Energize Me.

  2. If I may politely suggest, if the Bible is right then there are things it imparts which our own natures naturally oppose, and therefore initial disagreement is not necessarily a compulsion to deny it. You’ve quite articulately and intelligently reached a conclusion with which most people in the world would disagree, but you’ve seen past the worldly perspective to see, well doggone it, there’s a reason behind the Bible’s command about sex after all.

    It will probably never happen, but you’re right to say collusion is both necessary and will probably never happen. I also suggest to you that a great many men prefer a virgin at least once in their life.

    • I agree with you. It is due to human nature that I disagree with the bible initially. Later on, you just tend to find reasons to justify your actions.
      On men preferring virgins, is that true? I have asked a couple of my male friends and none of them seem to prefer virgins. I understand that men prefer “hard to get” women – but not necessarily virgins.

      • For some men, there is a sense of conquering in the notion of taking virginity. For others, it’s a cherished exclusivity and an honor to save and be saved for, in hopes of giving one’s self wholly and completely.

        To what else do you object, if I may ask?

      • I guess that is true… it’s difficult to determine what a man wants at the end of the day.

        I don’t really object to anything. I like to find out more about the world and what I found out or what I’d like to remind myself, I blog it.

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