Due to my own personal insecurity issues and distrust in men, I have been dreaming about becoming a single mom. After all, if men’s primal instinct is to do as much women as they want to and women want men to provide for their kids, it would make sense that if the women can provide for their own children, they do not need men.
I thought that I would be okay with it. In fact, it would be better since no one ever will be able to betray you. You get love from your child anyway and logically thinking, your child will never abandon you since they need you, at least, financially. Your man… if you had only wanted him for his sperm in the first place and not love… then you might not suffer emotional damages. Life should be good then!
However, a recent event that happened not too long ago changed my mind. I did it with someone who I thought liked me and realize after that he is sexually active with 5 other women. I thought about things after and decided that I would be cool with him being with other girls. After all, if I want to be a single mom, I will have to go through that as well. However, I realized very soon after that you cannot have sex with someone without being emotionally involved. I was emotionally attached to him. I wanted him despite not wanting him before we did it. I realized that I was not cool with him being with other girls. I kept questioning, What is he doing? Who is he with? Who is he doing? That is when I realized that I cannot handle FWB because I need to know that I can be secured with him providing and caring for me. That is when I realized that I cannot be a single mom because I will continue to question who he is with and if he has his own family now. After all, our child will forever binds us together no matter what.
Also, if my child were to ask “where is daddy?” I would feel very guilty as I would have robbed him/her from his/her own father. Because I care about my future (currently non-existent) child, I will not plan or aim to be a single mom despite my insecurities. I will, instead, aim to provide a good family for him/her. Besides, I think insecurities and risks is what makes life fun. If everything is secured for me, I might as well be a zombie… Being a zombie would suck!