Aiming to be a Single Mom. Is it OK?

Due to my own personal insecurity issues and distrust in men, I have been dreaming about becoming a  single mom. After all, if men’s primal instinct is to do as much women as they want to and women want men to provide for their kids, it would make sense that if the women can provide for their own children, they do not need men.

I thought that I would be okay with it. In fact, it would be better since no one ever will be able to betray you. You get love from your child anyway and logically thinking, your child will never abandon you since they need you, at least, financially. Your man… if you had only wanted him for his sperm in the first place and not love… then you might not suffer emotional damages. Life should be good then! 

However, a recent event that happened not too long ago changed my mind. I did it with someone who I thought liked me and realize after that he is sexually active with 5 other women.  I thought about things after and  decided that I would be cool with him being with other girls. After all, if I want to be a single mom, I will have to go through that as well. However, I realized very soon after that you cannot have sex with someone without being emotionally involved. I was emotionally attached to him. I wanted him despite not wanting him before we did it. I realized that I was not cool with him being with other girls. I kept questioning, What is he doing? Who is he with? Who is he doing? That is when I realized that I cannot handle FWB because I need to know that I can be secured with him providing and caring for me. That is when I realized that I cannot be a single mom because I will continue to question who he is with and if he has his own family now. After all, our child will forever binds us together no matter what.

Also, if my child were to ask “where is daddy?” I would feel very guilty as I would have robbed him/her from his/her own father. Because I care about my future (currently non-existent) child, I will not plan or aim to be a single mom despite my insecurities. I will, instead, aim to provide a good family for him/her. Besides, I think insecurities and risks is what makes life fun. If everything is secured for me, I might as well be a zombie… Being a zombie would suck! :/

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Friends with Benefits

Friends with benefits. A little something two adults engage in because they are mature enough to understand that things won’t work out between the two of them but they are not quite mature enough to keep it in their pants.

While I do understand that you can benefit from FWB since it helps in ridding horniness and loneliness, I have to admit that the risks of engaging in FWB for women far exceeds the benefits.

First things first, to engage in a FWB relationship means that you are at least attracted to your male friend physically. Even though you knew that a relationship won’t work out, your primal instinct as a women to want a committed relationship still stands regardless of all the logic you keep telling yourself. And FWB is step away from a committed relationship, not towards it. This is because men’s primal instinct is to spread their seeds while women’s primal instinct is to get the male to commit and provide for themselves as well as their offspring. FWB satisfies men since sex is the main objective of a man and the female loses out since they have given away their only leverage to get men to commit. This automatically makes it strategically stupid for women to engage in FWB.

Other than that, there are other risks women have to consider before engaging in FWB. One of it is pregnancy. Who is going to take care of your baby if you do get pregnant? When you sign up for FWB, you are signing up for the guy not being responsible for anything that goes on with you as long as it is related to sex. Another is STDs. Getting STDs is embarrassing enough. But how are you going to explain the way you contract STDs?

All in all, FWBs does not benefit women at all. I do not recommend it but I do realise that the temptation is great, especially if you are attracted to the guy. 

In this post, you will learn:

  1. Men’s primal instinct.
  2. Women’s primal instinct.
  3. Why women shouldn’t engage in FWB.

Why do we get married?

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In the last post, I have talked about men’s and women’s primal instinct. To recap, men’s primal instinct is to spread their seeds while women’s primal instinct is to get the male to commit and provide for themselves as well as their offsprings. But that is not the whole story…

According to Books for Better Living, there are three types of mating styles that is found in side-blotched lizards that applies to human as well:

1. Males with orange throats – these are males who provides for a bunch of females and mate with every single one of them. In real life, these are the players, those with a mistress/mistresses or those with “commitment issues”. 
2. Males with yellow throats – these males mate with the females of the orange throats whenever they can get away with them. Based on my own experience, these are the boys who keep on flirting with other men’s girl.
3. Males with blue throats – these males provide and care for only one girl and have multiple offsprings with her. This is the type of men all women should aim for.

Due to the existence of the orange and yellow throats, there is no guarantee that male will provide for the female as well as the children. Although orange throats are supposed to have provided for the females, let’s face it: human’s time and resources is just too limited to make that work! Hence, we see a rise of single mothers out there. You hear stories about girls getting pregnant and the boys would just leave the relationship and the girls’ life, pretending that nothing had happened. Basically, “love” and “marriage” provide some kind of guarantee that the male will provide for and care for the females as well as the children.

You may then argue that marriage really benefits women more than men since without marriage, women may have to bear all the consequences of sex, including bearing the child as well as bringing the child up. However, the women may just abort or dump the child aside as well if she simply cannot afford to provide and care for the child. This makes it (unfavourable) to the men since both parents, not just the mothers, will suffer emotional damages from such cruel act to their own child. This means that ultimately, marriage is not for the parents, but for the children since both parents really want are to bear a child but marriage is what works that brings the child up. This post is inspired by Smith‘s article on Marriage Isn’t for You.

In this post, you will learn:
1. Men’s primal instinct
2. Women’s primal instinct
3. Various mating strategies
4. What marriage is for.