I haven’t felt true love in a long time…but I can say that I am very lucky to be one of the few people who have felt true love before. Like the movie Maleficent, my true love is not a man. Like the movie Maleficent, my true love is not my biological mother. Like the movie Maleficent, I am Aurora who loves my Godmother and grandaunt.
I have been separated from my loved one for a long time… and have forgotten the teachings she taught me and the love she showed me. I didn’t know that was what I had lost…and have been searching for ever since. I had forgotten that I wanted to get better because she wanted me to do better, and hence, chose to lose her to get better with the hope that someday, I will come back and fetch her when I have gotten my own home and she would then live with me, without having to work for another day- cause I will provide for her. I have lost that dream because I know of her self-sacrificing trait, that she will not leave the house knowing that there are two bachelors aunt and uncle who will have no one to take care of them when she is gone…
It has been a long time… and it is not until today when I realise that I have been searching for love, to replace the love she once showed me. Fortunately, no one is able to love better than she did that I wasn’t able to replace her. It is good for she is still alive and well, which means that my long lost mission still stands. Despite my changing and has been hiding from her so she doesn’t see how bad I’ve changed…just like how I hide from God ever since I fell prey to the sins of lust…there is a reason why I am still standing and striving, it is to get back on track. The possibilities I see in this world is that I know I can do better, and I want to spread the love she taught me to this world. I want to show the world that they can get abundance, from the result of loving someone – and that there is nothing more satisfying than that. No love, no fame, no money can give you that. Trust me, I have lived both the poor and sort-of-rich, possibly rich life with the difference of having love and not. The poor, loved, and the will the strive hard to do better is more satisfying than having material goods, without needing to strive and to have no intensified strong love.
Hmm… as a reminder of what my grandaunt is like, I have typed up a couple of things prior to this post. I wish not to forget these feelings:
I love the way she canes us, but holds back. She caned us not because she felt like we are in danger, she wanted us to live in the traditional values that we are taught. That’s how she showed she cares for us.
I love the way when I give her massages, she responds well, not because she felt she deserves the massage but that she felt the love from me.
I love how stubborn she is when it comes to washing/ironing our clothes. There are easier ways to do them. There are shortcuts, but she insisted on doing it the difficult ways and work hard so that the clothes are washed and ironed perfectly.
She is self-sacrificing. She could’ve gotten married but didn’t because of her sister. She could have shun her responsibility after the accident and continued her career, but she didn’t. it’s not that she doesn’t have the passion for her work/love cause she has told me of her dreams, she just puts others first.
I love the way she holds true to the values she taught us – don’t spend money on unnecessary stuffs, and even when we became one of those with disposable income, she still stay the same – not materialistic at all, she still complains about the way we spend money.
I love how she spend money buying us stickers despite the fact she dislikes spending money. It shows us she loves us.
She is my mother, despite not being biological. Her love and cares showed through.
She wanted us to achieve. She is proud when she heard that I have the “businesswoman life line” on my hand (from fortune telling, a couple of people said the same thing. Although I don’t know how true these things are). Though it hasn’t come true yet, I knew she is proud when I get good grades.
She wanted us to live in values. She is proud when I offered to help out with the chores. I know she must have told a couple of people of how proud she is of me… and I am proud of her being proud of me.
I love my grandaunt the most. Out of everyone in this world, no one will replace her. Now that I think about it, I think I have wanted a kid of my own because I want her love to be spread in this world even after I am gone from this world.