My addiction<3

Ohh, you’re so kind to me. So dangerous yet so kind.

My kryptonite, how could I not fall for you?
Intelligent as you are; yet you always fool around.
You walk around looking all confident, and so tough with that body you worked so hard to build,
Yet when you touch my lips and look at me with those eyes,
I could sense how soft hearted you truly are.

In this fast moving world, you paid no attention to what others are doing
You took your time, slowly… and so tenderly, you kissed my lips.
Time stopped then.
I, who were taught to be more efficient, to do things faster, had forgotten what life is all about…
And with one kiss, you put life in me.

I remember our first kiss, you took me by surprise. We weren’t in sync then. I remember I couldn’t breathe. So when you finally stop kissing me, I hugged you to hide away my shame. But you lifted my chin, and told me it was cute. “You had to comment”, I thought but secretly, I liked that he paid attention.

It is so weird, I don’t remember when I started falling for you. I remember looking forward to meeting you – for I love our conversations. Then one day, I notice myself holding on to your hands, telling you not to go, even if it’s just for a second. You looked at me, with that look you always have on your face, one that looks worried but happy, and tell me “it’s just for a while”. That was the second I realised my feelings for you wasn’t as simple as friends.

Things has changed since then. But my feelings for you have gotten stronger day by day. I sometimes call it “love” when I talk to myself, but I know it is actually more of an addiction, for I suffer withdrawal without you by my side.

And i think to myself: if an addiction feels that closely to love, wouldn’t it be better for couples to be addicted to each other rather than to love each other? After all, like Margaret Atwood said, love is wavering. On the other hand, Addiction, as Emily Thorne from Revenge mention:
Addiction, an impulse that, once indulged, is impossible to pacify. Even when starved, the hunger survives.

An addiction, when compared to love, seemed more enduring…and I, for one, wouldn’t mind staying with my drug for the rest of my life.

True love.

I haven’t felt true love in a long time…but I can say that I am very lucky to be one of the few people who have felt true love before. Like the movie Maleficent, my true love is not a man. Like the movie Maleficent, my true love is not my biological mother. Like the movie Maleficent, I am Aurora who loves my Godmother and grandaunt.

I have been separated from my loved one for a long time… and have forgotten the teachings she taught me and the love she showed me. I didn’t know that was what I had lost…and have been searching for ever since. I had forgotten that I wanted to get better because she wanted me to do better, and hence, chose to lose her to get better with the hope that someday, I will come back and fetch her when I have gotten my own home and she would then live with me, without having to work for another day- cause I will provide for her. I have lost that dream because I know of her self-sacrificing trait, that she will not leave the house knowing that there are two bachelors aunt and uncle who will have no one to take care of them when she is gone…

It has been a long time… and it is not until today when I realise that I have been searching for love, to replace the love she once showed me. Fortunately, no one is able to love better than she did that I wasn’t able to replace her. It is good for she is still alive and well, which means that my long lost mission still stands. Despite my changing and has been hiding from her so she doesn’t see how bad I’ve changed…just like how I hide from God ever since I fell prey to the sins of lust…there is a reason why I am still standing and striving, it is to get back on track. The possibilities I see in this world is that I know I can do better, and I want to spread the love she taught me to this world. I want to show the world that they can get abundance, from the result of loving someone – and that there is nothing more satisfying than that. No love, no fame, no money can give you that. Trust me, I have lived both the poor and sort-of-rich, possibly rich life with the difference of having love and not. The poor, loved, and the will the strive hard to do better is more satisfying than having material goods, without needing to strive and to have no intensified strong love.

Hmm… as a reminder of what my grandaunt is like, I have typed up a couple of things prior to this post. I wish not to forget these feelings:

I love the way she canes us, but holds back. She caned us not because she felt like we are in danger, she wanted us to live in the traditional values that we are taught. That’s how she showed she cares for us.

I love the way when I give her massages, she responds well, not because she felt she deserves the massage but that she felt the love from me.

I love how stubborn she is when it comes to washing/ironing our clothes. There are easier ways to do them. There are shortcuts, but she insisted on doing it the difficult ways and work hard so that the clothes are washed and ironed perfectly.

She is self-sacrificing. She could’ve gotten married but didn’t because of her sister. She could have shun her responsibility after the accident and continued her career, but she didn’t. it’s not that she doesn’t have the passion for her work/love cause she has told me of her dreams, she just puts others first.

I love the way she holds true to the values she taught us – don’t spend money on unnecessary stuffs, and even when we became one of those with disposable income, she still stay the same – not materialistic at all, she still complains about the way we spend money.

I love how she spend money buying us stickers despite the fact she dislikes spending money. It shows us she loves us.

She is my mother, despite not being biological. Her love and cares showed through.
She wanted us to achieve. She is proud when she heard that I have the “businesswoman life line” on my hand (from fortune telling, a couple of people said the same thing. Although I don’t know how true these things are). Though it hasn’t come true yet, I knew she is proud when I get good grades.

She wanted us to live in values. She is proud when I offered to help out with the chores. I know she must have told a couple of people of how proud she is of me… and I am proud of her being proud of me.

I love my grandaunt the most. Out of everyone in this world, no one will replace her. Now that I think about it, I think I have wanted a kid of my own because I want her love to be spread in this world even after I am gone from this world.

Agreeableness

I’ve been watching a lot of Detective Conan. Not only do I find the plot interesting, the Japanese culture intrigues me as well. One of the many traits I’ve learnt to love is agreeableness.

There are many times in the series that Conan or Ran wanted something badly – but when the adults said “no”, they tend to go along with it without feeling any anger towards those who said no. They just simply agree and went on with their life. The reason why I like this trait is that 1. It removes any unnecessary conflict and 2. If you are truly one who is agreeable, when someone says “no”, you won’t feel horrible at all. Well, in the series, they usually get around to finding the information that they need regardless, as if what they hear is enough information to get by. Not sure if it’s like that in real life…

Anyway, they do not always agree with something. When presented with an information, if it goes against their instinct or logic, they tend to be skeptical and then search for the truth.

Praises and critcism

Praises and criticism can be both a good and a bad thing.

The good: Praises and criticism lets you know your strengths and your weaknesses.

The bad: It limits you to having certain skills, talents, traits etc

E.g.: As a child, I’ve always been told that I am good at studying but horrible at cooking and sports. It lets me know that I shouldn’t pursue careers that uses my body, that I should focus on careers that requires using my brain. However, knowing this limits me. I avoid competitive sports and had trouble learning how to cook because I’m always insecure about my cooking. If I were truly honest, I don’t think my cooking is that bad, it’s just not good compared to my natural cook cousin.

On guys being persistent

When my mom told me the story about how she and my dad got together, she particularly told me that guys who are persistent are the ones to look out for. I told her that I don’t think so from experience but didn’t know the reason for it…until today.

You see, guys who are persistent can be seen as that they are truly interested in you and if they were to invest enough time and effort on you, would begin to fall for you. This is true to some extent. If they perceive you as “the one” for them, one who is so perfect to them, they would be persistent since it would be difficult to find another girl like you. However, that may not be the case all the time. Guys can be persistent because:

1. They have limited amount of girls around them.

2. They cannot find the “right” girl.

Basically, they can be persistent because they want to keep their options open.

Be A Good Man, Because A Woman Will Never Forget How You Treated Her

This is absolutely true. I once fell in love with the nicest man on Earth. However, my wants of variety screwed it up. I thought I had made the right decisions until… subconsciously, I start getting dreams of simple but nice moments in the past with him… holding hands and laughing together. That’s when I realise that life can be simple. You don’t need a good looking man or a smart man. You don’t need a man who is rich. All you need is a man who treats and love you right… and a willingness to make things work.

Thought Catalog

Too many of you say that women do not really want a nice guy. You firmly believe from your bad experiences that most women actually enjoy being treated badly. I can assure you this is not true.

Your words and your actions can have effects on a woman that will last her a lifetime. That cruel comment you made about her mother, that day you were so angry you called her out of her name, those times you ignored her for no reason at all, the times you chose not to text or call and decided your friends were more important than she was, the times you didn’t open her car door, or walk her to her front door like a lady, she carries those in her mind. And she carries them over to the next man.

Women remember every nice thing you do or say in the same way…

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Stop planning ahead!

I have always been the kind of girl who cares a little bit too much about what life would be like in the future. I would discover myself to know exactly the career I want to pursue in the future. I do this because I know subconsciously how scarce our resources (time) as human being is and thus, we should spend time on developing the skills for our future career.

However, the problem with this is that no one can predict the future. Things will happen that changes situations. Therefore, it is more important to enjoy the moment!

If you were ambitious, then you should prioritize the 3 most important aspects of your life and focus solely on these while of course, being open to other aspects of life as well.